And we can’t be 14 no more, when our little cold war games could end by just a lollipop. It was so easy to be happy and contented then. It was so easy to be angry and scream it out and everything will be okay again. Where have the innocence and simplicity gone to? And it’s because we realized the increased complexity of things as we grow up, that’s why we try so hard to grasp at the reality, that’s why we try all means to convince ourselves that life is actually very simple. Hey, who are we kidding? If it was so, we wouldn’t even have the need to try and justify the simplicity of things at all.
My deepest regret of all, it could marr me all my life. It made me understand just how bent I am in torturing myself, by not forgiving myself. It’s self destruction, the path I’ve gradually set myself onto. I’ll let it remain hidden, and I pray that it remains so. But please tell me, that I’m not destined to go through these many times. I don’t want to fall once, get up, just to fall back in again. It took me a lot a lot of time. And it will take me even more now. My mind won’t let go of me. It wants to break me apart totally. Then perhaps, I should remain broken, so I’ll never have the chance to be pieced back, just to be broken all over again.
Why do the hurt, the cruelty, the selfishness, the disappointment and everything else get amplified so much more now. Don’t we grow up, to be better people? Why these then? We used to speak our mind, we used to shout it all out. Now, it’s all but an absence of words.
Because we aren’t kids anymore. Because we aren’t kids anymore.
I wished my time could have stopped then, then. It would have been, a much more beautiful world.
.jpg)