can you tell me i'm wrong.

I’ve been proven right again. My happiness today came in the form of Krispy Kreme, but right after dinner I realized I dropped one side of my River Island earrings. Of all earrings, it had to be the one I liked the most right now, the one which was the most expensive I ever bought. And I wasn’t even lucky enough to realize it before it was too late even when I have this obsession of touching my ears and making sure my earrings are still there every now and then. I just couldn’t recall where it could have possibly dropped. And I am so pissed, so angry, so sad.

Funny how my mood suddenly took a huge plunge when I realized that it was gone. I felt as if I lost something really precious. This fucking low affect is washing through every single part of me now I feel horribly lousy. Coupled with the movie that we watched during bs803 today which made me cry like shit, I seriously feel like I’m so down in the pits. Why do they always screen movies that make me cry anyway, what the fuck.

Please let me know if anyone’s dropping by River Island anytime soon, like tomorrow or something. Damn it I want my earrings back. Now.

为什么好像拼命地在寻找一个大声痛哭的借口. 所有零零碎碎的事都突然间被放大了许多,变得特别刺眼. 有一种非常非常不快乐的感觉,有一种非常非常想哭的念头.眼泪却,掉不下来.

好像离自己越来越远,而每一天感觉越来越心寒.

, 11:18 PM

I was reading through an article in Her World yesterday and I found it so apt, though it's not convenient to explicitly say what it is about. But yeah, no matter how much we think we could accept, do or mirror them, we are still not the new men, yet. In the end, we just lose terribly. Blame it on these hormones in us. I can't stop or change the way my brain and mind works after all, even though I thought I could. Self delusion, that's all there is to it.

Downing a cup of coffee at this time may not exactly be the best idea, but I am hoping and praying, that something can make me focus my mind of studying.

I walk around school everyday, feeling like a fake piece of shit, feeling like everybody could see me, but yet, they couldn't see what I am really inside. And something inside of me is laughing at their ignorance, and at the demise of my own sanity.

I've got all my plans, on how to run away. I hope they'll work out, somehow. That's my only last plea now.