I really really love Waraku! I had my hotate and cream cheese udon today after thinking about it for like three months?! And I really love stealing other people's food. Hahhaa. Everything was really damn good lah. And the best thing was that it was a free meal on the birthday boy. Hahhaa, a guiltless meal is really happyfying lah. And we left for a place called The Ritz at Bugis for some drinks and I managed to catch the second half of my Liverpool's match!

We cabbed back today so there wasn't anyone to walk me up to my house. And I think I'm really lousy, because I was even scared of walking up the stairs alone. I think I imagined hearing voices or footsteps and I will think think got people following me so by the second storey I was already almost running up the stairs. Hahaha. Then my heart was beating very fast. But okay, I really hate lifts and stairs and whatever lahh. Thank god for hot Big Monkey and Monkey's boyfriend for walking me up to my house yesterday night because they knew I was scared. But in the end, the ended up scaring me more because of the things they said. So now it's even worse when I'm alone. Bloody hell.

I swear most of my time are spent in school rather than home nowadays. And this wasn't the case last time because I used to like to run home immediately after classes ended. But since my classes end so late these days anyway, I just end up staying in school to meddle in this and that or to go out with the rest for dinner.

I had the most tiring day ever on Thursday although it was supposed to be Union Day and classes were cancelled for a part of the day. But the time nicely coincided with that of my four hours break. Bloody hell. So I had all my lessons still, plus helping out with the voting stuff during the break. And I actually stayed back to help with the counting of votes which ended near to 10pm lahh. But we had Boon Lay Nasi Lemak for dinner so I was still super happy! Thank god for Big Monkey's car. Hahaha. But I was really so damn bloody shagged.

And I wasn't supposed to have classes on Friday and I really wasn't planning to travel all the way back to school to do somebody's birthday stuff. But thanks to Big Monkey's manipulation I actually reached school at 6.30pm to help them with it. Omg I was really amazed with myself lah cuz I think I'm one of the laziest one around already. Hahhaa. And we wasted our time with gossip and dinner and everything else we could find to do before we finally somewhat finished what we initally set out to do near to 11pm. Bloody hell.

And there's birthday dinners today and tomorrow. Sighh. I need more time to do my work.

I'm so tired. I don't even know whether it's physically or mentally, maybe both. Long days coupled with long breaks drain me of all my energy. I hate feeling so bloody exhausted. The modules are really difficult this semester. So many things are inclined towards the thing I have the least confidence for - statistics. And I can't stand overly competitive people, I can't stand people who keep asking apparently useless questions, and I can't stand my own helplessness. Why can't I have a higher capacity for acceptance?

Waking up early is hard, but early lessons give me a certain joy in travelling to school sometimes, though I don't really know why. Maybe it's just the time of the day. And the day could go on and on, when I unwittingly let myself get involved in helping monkey darling with her stuff. But it's okay, busy and long days make everything more bearable, somehow.

So many things, left unsaid. Maybe, maybe you could make it better.

The stupid virus made me lug my laptop all the way to school again for service. But luckily the guy was nice and he got it reformatted in like less than an hour! I should go learn how to do it myself lahh. It was a bloody tiring day at school, and it's the first time I have like three 930am days ever since I started school. So my eyes are already almost closing now. Sighh. And I walked so much today, with my big bag which almost killed my shoulder because I threw hell lots of stuff inside and my laptop in the other hand. Walking to and fro north and south spine, making my way to tuition and back home again. And the weather was damn damn hot lahh. But okay, hopefully walking more could make up for my serious lack of exercise these days. Damn it.

My mummy told me work was hell today. She said there was damn alot of people at the arts canteen today and the queue was like nonstop from morning till she left work. Then she wanted to act humorous and commented that today was the first day of the seventh month, so the queue was so long because there were many hungry people. Omg. Idiot, I don't like to hear such things one lah. Now I don't even dare to go home alone when it's late already. I will think too much and scare myself only. Hahhaa. But she was saying how nice and huge the newly renovated canteen is and that the upper storey is air-conditioned and there's Burger King and everything. Bloody xingfu people at NUS! Damn damn erxin. I miss my curry yong tau foo there lah! Shit one. Looking at NTU's canteen make me damn sad because it's hot and I hate looking for seats when there's seriously alot of people and the food is even nothing more to speak about.

Liverpool's match with Aston Villa was damn damn exciting one lah. I was like almost crying when Villa equalized but thank god for Gerrard lahh. When he scored I was happy until I could have died lah. But I could only jump up and down and I tried my best to suppress my screams because I was not supposed to be noisy at Xiaoshouzhi's house since it was already so late. But I wasn't that loud lah hor?

Thank you isaa baby for the donut! I just warmed it and stuffed it down my stomach. Yummy lehz. Hahaha.

Early day tomorrow again. I shall sleep soon. Although I really want to start on my Potter soon, like now. Damn it. :(

I'm such a nice friend! I accompanied Friend all the way to the customer service centre to collect his free Takashimaya vouchers. But it's sad, because I benefitted nothing from it. Not even 1% of the vouchers. Hahhaa, but it's okay, cuz there's nothing to buy in Taka anyway!

But it's okay, because Friend brought me to eat yummy kaya butter toast and kopi at Keong Saik Road! The fried rice there was damn nice too. Actually many things seemed really yummy there. I love old old kopitiam. It gives a nice sense of nostalgia.

And I bought a pretty projectshop bag! Hahahaa I have a hot bag to bring to school already. Damn damn happy. Okay, it's simple and just plain black but it is still nice! But if you see it and think nothing of it, okay, then don't comment ah. If not I'll be damn sad one. Hahahaa. My Xiaoshouzhi, we can walk around school in our projectshop bags! It will be cute de lo. Hahhaaa, please don't kiu tio. :(

I'm damn damn chui these days. I'll get faint and dizzy after walking awhile and I can't stand for long so I'll always have to sit down. Then I'll get super hungry sometimes but after I eat a little, my stomach will start to reject the food and I'll feel abit nauseous. And my stomach will churn for no good reason. Really sian diao. Sighh.

Almost forgotten what it feels like walking around campus. Bloody many people bloody hot. Looking at the 179 queue makes me bloody tired too. And the Boon Lay smell. All too familiar. Sighh. I don't even feel as if I've been in the school for over two years. I wonder where did the days go. This semester's psychology modules seem really daunting. Okay, I've only been to one, but it seems as if all the damn smart people are inside and it sucks. I will try and try my very best but I'll still not be able to match up to them. And the module itself is damn demanding and I suck at statistics and report writing. Sighh. I hate feelings of inadequacy. But it's okay, it'll all come through.

And I'm damn damn tired now. My eyes are really closing. But sometimes I find a perverse pleasure in forcing myself not to sleep. Hahaha. I have damn long breaks between my lessons this semester. So I shall make sure I'll study with my darling monkey. When we had long breaks in the previous semesters, we'll just ended up nua-ing around although we said we'll use the time to study. Shit one lah. But okay, hopefully not this time round. Damn it, I'm really very very tired.

maybe it'll stop, let it go.

A lack of words define my present state, or maybe, the absence of the ability to even decipher my own thoughts.

My throat hurts like mad. And it's only one side, just like how migraine haunts me now and then. It really hurts so bad I hate it. Talking, swallowing, even yawning exacerbate the pain. One ailment follows after the other, or maybe even before the old one disappears totally. My body feels like it's slowly, slowly shutting down.

And subject registration sucks. I didn't manage to get one of my electives and it's going to screw up my timetable. I don't even know what's the last module I want to take now. It irritates me majorly and I'm bloody sad. Bloody freaking sad. I don't like settling for less viable or attractive alternatives.

My mind can't seem to remember much things these days. Things happen, and are forgotten. I can't recall what I've done once they're of the past. Maybe it's meant to be this way. Listening to sad melodies in the darkness of my room before the light fights back the darkness outside exudes immense melancholy. It makes me feel totally broken, yet very in element.

And why do I feel so stupid sometimes. Maybe, you could tell me.