My mummy likes to laugh at weird things these days. On the way out to dinner in the car today, she tapped on my shoulder, pointed to a random guy on the street and asked me if he looked like my dad. When I looked at her skeptically and shook my head, she started laughing nonstop. Weird one lah, there's no resemblance at all seriously. And when I was in my room yesterday, she actually called me on my handphone using the house phone so that I would come out of my room. She was lazy to even walk to my room or to shout for me to let me know my brother bought tau hway back. Siao one. Then when I rolled my eyes at her, she started laughing crazily too. My god.

Days spent without working is wonderful. Wonderfully boring. But okay, it still feels damn good to be able to wake up late. But I'm not anywhere near to even starting on my resolution of exercising during this break. Shit one. And school is bloody starting. Sighh.

I want more sun! But it's freaking raining everyday it's sad.

the world's tainted with lies.

Woke up early to go for the flea at FMSS but helloo, there wasn't any crowd at all. I think it was more of like a sharing stories session and it was nice still, although we had to lug our bags of stuff there, unpack them, pack them up and lug them back again. The weather was damn humid and it made me damn tired it's shit. But we went to get KrispyKreme from Vonn, yayy thanks dear. Love you! And we made hot some of them and finished them at my house.

We are all really getting old, without a doubt. Our conversation topics have evolved much at each stage and it's scary to realize that we must move on, since there's no turning back. But being around the people you have been with for years, it kind of makes you feel that it's still the good old times at least. I have since learnt to put things behind, to not ask for too much, and to try not to think too much. But sometimes, you'll just happen to see some things which just remind you of stuff already buried deep in your heart.

I know my attitude at home today sucks. But I tried, really tried, but I still can't help from feeling pissed by every little thing. I need help to curb my quick temper seriously. I know I flare up easily, but I also almost always want to take back my words the very next minute. But my pride forbids me to, and I hate it. I don't know, and I still feel lousy and everything. And the only thing I can do is to just indulge in cup noodles. Maybe it'll make me happier.

Why is it so hard, to grasp hold of things; for they just seem to slip through my fingers.

Psychology bbq at our Prof's house today. Not exactly a chummy chummy gathering, but I guess it's better than nothing. It's an effort taken to try and gel the faculty together? Perhaps. Played some fighting game on PS2 for awhile before we decided to help out to get the bbq started. But I don't know and won't ever try starting the fire, so all I could do was to stand at one side to stone or to steal some food when nobody's looking. And I didn't get to eat as much as I would like to lah. The pit was small, the cooking was slow and we had to leave early. Shit one. But my Prof was so sweet and cute, he walked around offering to pour wine for us. And I'm seriously lousy, just a little bit of it almost killed my head. It throbbed like crazy and I got hot within minutes. But at least there's always big monkey to drive us home safely. Xing fu de gan jue.

I don't want to fall asleep. Or rather, I can't get to sleep. The days just seem so long these days.

It's funny how I always think I have this barrier around me, preventing others to get closer to me. But it seems as if the truth is that maybe, I've been too trusting. Please don't take my friendship for granted, don't think that my niceness is permanent, and don't take advantage of my trust. Some things that could so strong, could be so fragile at the same time. And in that one moment, everything could be crushed, totally. Sometimes forgiveness may never come.

It's a wonder, how it could be so surreal, yet so real at the same time. But it is real, and I'm not afraid to say it disgusts me, disappoints me, and makes me feel really stupid. It made me so warped up and confused I didn't even know what was the right thing for me to do. But I guess things were done the best they could be and I don't really have such a generous heart, but I believe I've already taken a step back and left some room for a second chance. So I hope things will end right here.

And I do believe I love my brother more after today. He gives me a sense of security I can't describe and he makes me feel settled and so much more at ease. He makes me feel that if anything happens, just as long as I call for him, he'll be there to help me. I owe him so much more than thanks. And of course, how can I forget Friend. You know I really really appreciate what you've done, as I've said many times, I really do owe you alot alot. See, I'm thanking you here lah! But yah, I have to praise you, because you made me so much better and less at a loss. And you really helped alot, especially today. Without you ah, I still don't know where I'm floating at lah. And of course to Binbin, thanks for just being there too.

Maybe it's time to put up the shield I've unknowingly removed gradually. But please, don't let my trust be misplaced again.

My head is fucking splitting.

this will do

Helloo hot guy, hope you had a wonderful birthday dinner! Your shirt is very very nice and you're very hot still! Don't keep looking back and don't be so flingy too ahh okay? Hahaaa. We love you! :)

I only had like five hours of sleep today and I had to drag myself out of the bed in the morning. Luckily big monkey came to fetch me to school, if not I think I sure die lah! I think subject registration in school is the most nerve-racking thing ever. When it was one minute to the registration time, my heart almost dropped out lah. Then there was counting down from 30 seconds too. Wah, I swear my heart could stop and my fingers would cramp lah. But okay, in the end I registered for like ten modules. Damn kiasu, but nothing to do then just became click-happy. Hahaa.

My big monkey is very cute lah. He made a soft toy for me! Although I know it's for practice lahh, then can gain experience and make nicer ones next time. Hahhaaa. But I still appreciate it very much lo! What's more it's hand sewn from scratch okay, I'm damn amazed and awed. There's even those beanies inside! He named it Scottie, but it's Squiggle now because I like it better. So I realized I still have a soft spot for soft toys. Hahaa.

Tanning makes me really happy and shagged at the same time. And it gives an illusionary feel that the sweat produced are actually all the fats. Hahhaa. And today is a public holiday? The csc's so full of kids I was overwhelmed and horrified. But okay, I still managed to grab some of the glorious sun. And I bowled after that, although I really sucked at it. I cracked my thumbnail too and it's too bloody deep for me to cut it off. I think I was too chor lor when releasing the ball lah. But it's still fun, after not having bowled for 100000years. And I still scored a strike! Hahhaa. I should really play more of those arcade fighting games seriously. I think if I play it often, I could tone my arms and hopefully they'll become smaller. After hitting at the buttons vigorously for a few games, my arms were so so tired I swear I would die just by the mere action of lifting them lahh.

I have to admit Transformers was really good. I love little bumblebee! Sometimes I just need to learn to put away some of my prejudice or bias. Why am I just so dead set on some stuff I've made myself believe in? Yummy doughnuts from Doughnut Factory are nice, and it's a good form of exercise too after sitting for too long a period of time in the office. And my brother just brought some KrispyKreme back! Omg lo, I'm dying from doughnuts overdose this week.

It's time to cut hair tomorrow! How I wish I can cut it short, like short.