My eyes hurt every single fucking day.

i want to be with you night&day too

Thanks for night&day, and your hugs! Thank you for being small enough so I can hug you so comfortably and lie on your almost non-existent shoulder. Hahaa. Luckily there wasn't any long long bus ride, if not I bet I would have fallen into the trap unknowingly again! But you know I really love you too! You don't even need to speak a word. Just give me a hug and everything, almost, somewhat, will be right again. I didn't know you could be so cathartic too. Hahaa.

And thank you Min for the free ktv. Your brother is the friendliest around already lo. Hahaa. It just doesn't feel very right to sing so late into the late though. I was damn sian diao towards the end already I don't know why. Just wanted to crawl into bed immediately. I still prefer klunch lah. Hahaa.

So just let me put on this facade for the time being, and when it's time, if that time comes, I'll know what to do. You'll see, that I'm trying hard, although it may be fleeting. But words will still have the greatest impact on me, said or unsaid. Every word could lift me to the skies, or tear me down. And if that stinging feeling seems to be coming around, I guess it would be time to bring up the numbing shield, again.


Just follow the path into the night. I would love to leave, without a care. If I could.

Could you, could you chase the blues away too? :(
I don't like to eat anymore. I just don't bother.

You could, you could make it all better. :(

Lesson starts in another hour and I'm so damn bored trying to while away my time in FAL. I think I need to put in more effort in doing my reports because everybody is like using their days and nights to complete it while I just happily try to finish it quickly and then throw it aside. They really do until tian hun di an lahh, and I still can crawl into bed relatively early. But whenever the clock strikes twelve, I really have no choice but to give in. Hahaa.

Isaa baby wants doughnuts but I want my chewy junior. :( I don't have alot alot of interest in doughnuts anymore I don't know why. But of course that doesn't mean I won't eat any if it's in front of me lahh. But I miss chewy junior lehz, and I only had it once. I want the chocolate the oreo the cheese ones. Wahh. Okay next time I'll take mrt down and queue and buy for you all to eat okay! When I feel like it lahh. Hahaa.

I think I'm overly stressed and overly sad, I'm having a horrible breakout on my forehead and it's making me damn damn sad. And my hands are always so itchy fingers, in the end make until so much more worse. They look like those kind will take 10000years to heal one. I don't want to go out and meet anyone anymore. But it's not as if there's a need to also. Sighh.

Can i go home please.

And here I am, on a Wednesday afternoon, sitting in front of my laptop munching on charred doughnuts when I should be in school. I'm trying so hard to assure myself that this choice I've made is justified and I should really be using this time to do all my work and to study all that I can. But it sucks.

Yesterday was HSS's leisure games day and I had funnnn! I even won movie tickets during bingo! Winning is exhilarating because I never seemed to have won in any kind of games based on luck before. But I seriously think I have OCD because I'm just super particular about choosing the numbers for my bingo grids. It's like I must have my Kuytie Pie's 18 in the middle, I must have all the numbers with 4s, 8s, no 3s and such. And I could even win in this way. Hahaha.

It's funny how I could laugh and be crazy if I want to. But sometimes all I really want is to look out of the windows and just watch the world go by. Would you accompany me?

Friend said I hvn't mentioned him in my blog for 100000years already. Hahahaa. Maybe it's because you were more noteworthy last time? Now nothing much to comment on already. Hahaa. Joking lahh, we still love you one friendd.

Thank you for driving us out in the hot blue mazda okay. And I forgot to hug the car again! :( I love Haato lahh, nice ambience damn yummy food. Somemore I can play board games in there. Can I go back there everyday? :( P.S Cafe was super nice too, and I'm lousy because a little margarita could make me flushed and hot. Stupid system, my head likes to throb at every single chance it gets.

Would you call me back, from wherever I am now.

:)

And when nothing seems to go right and the road ahead seems bleak, thankfully there's something which affirms my existence in some way and lets me know that somebody still cares. Thank you for the piggy bank. I don't know who you are and I don't know why you chose to not let me know, but still, it was really really sweet. It did put a smile on my face, amidst all the dreary dreary days I had. And I can start to dong all my onedollarcoins inside and become a onedollarcoin millionaire soon! :)

I think I made my own happiness un-graspable.
It doesn't really matter whether I'm here or not, does it.
But, don't bring me on a rollercoaster ride.

and when you lie, you hide.

What is happiness for when it can't be shared.
What is sadness for when it can't be showed.
And what are words for when they can't be told.

You see, that's why I dissipate.
I wish I could just disengage.

All the projects are breaking me. Deadlines are so near and we could still be at the juncture of quarrelling over the focus and the topic. It’s just getting harder and harder.

Maybe I’m not as strong as I think I am or I want to be. I need more than I think I actually need. And I don’t like this.

If anyone could give me a hug now, I think I’ll love you forever. That's really all I need. But why is it just so difficult.

This semester is crazy one lahh. I have six project reports due along the way from now till early november and how the hell am I going to finish all of them lahh! And there are just so so many literature reviews to be done for each report. I can't even study if I want to, because there's just no time and the last project paper is due two days before my first two papers. Bloody hell. I don't know why the semesters always come to an end so fast without me even feeling I've learnt anything much lehz. That's damn sad. Hahaa.

And my life is slowly sapping away and I'm sad because I can't go to Kbox with you girls today and shopping tomorrow. Haiyo, really cannot and I even have project meeting on Sunday. Then my fu man ren jian how!! :( I miss you all alot alot lo and I'm deprived of darling von's humor. The last funny thing I heard from you was when you told me you were eating the same thing as me but different animal during the dinner. Hahhahaa. That's damn long ago and I can still remember because now and then I can still think about it and laugh. Hahahaa.

And my appetite really don't know go where already. I think I can just live on coffee lo.

:(

There's this very strong sense of sadness, emptiness in me these days. Tears could just fall for no reason I don't know why. A sad scene, a string of thoughts, or even a mere word could trigger it. I'm so tired of this because I don't like it. But perhaps this is what I started out to be and what I really am? I don't know. There are many things I can't or don't wish to find answers to these days. Leaving it hanging in the open may not guarantee anything, but at least it will stay, and not disappear so soon. It's sad, because it's coming back to haunt me again. I'd rather get out of it, and be someone people want me to be, although it may not be me at all. Because it's okay, and that's the way it should be.

If only.

It's sad when something changes, everything changes. And it's usually for the worst, never for the better. When you hear one side of the story, you feel one thing. And when you get to hear the other, some new revelations appear. Why can't both parties come together and piece the story together and make everything lucid and understandable to both? Words usually get distorted as they go through third parties and everything ends up misinterpreted and contorted. I don't even know what to make out of the whole thing anymore. Everybody feels tired, everyone wants to escape, but they just end up being entangled in the mess still. And it's mystifying how people become scary and things become sour and it's sad, when you're looking at the mess from the outside of the inside. Sighh. It's selfish, but if it's me, I'd rather not be on the disadvantage too. Employ more protective mechanisms, absorb less pain. If not, I think I'll become nothing more than a destroyed soul. Hahaa.

I've been eating air at home these days. And the renovation work is killing me with all the drilling and banging. Kills my morning, my day, my head. And the days are so hot and humid it makes me all exasperated. Thank god my mummy is going to change my bloody translucent curtain to a thicker one soon.

Mugging sickens me. Doing research makes me mad. All I look forward to now is the repeat telecast of Fu Man Ren Jian later. Caught the episode last week and realized how much I liked it last time. My hands are shivering, my head is throbbing. I can't live on air alone afterall.

I want to eat popiah.
I want to eat mango sticky rice.
I want to eat Tom's Palette ice cream.
I want to watch Lust, Caution!

Sian. :(

Could I take a leap?
But I'll fall back instead.
Perhaps I could fly.
Maybe I should really leave.
The darkness is such a wonder.
And I'm a wreck.