why'd you walk away.

Woke up in the morning today feeling like it's the lousiest day ever. Then again, when do I not feel like shit these days. Almost skipped the morning's early lecture, but managed to drag myself there in the end. And the first few songs that accompanied me on my way to school killed my mood further. Don't know why my ipod wasn't on shuffle mode, and it sucked, because Avril Lavigne's songs struck a chord in me and seemed to sing right to me. So by the time I reached school, I really felt like rubbish.

Huge huge damage today, I don't even dare to look at my accounts anymore. Seriously, I am really fucking broke. Luckily I don't spend much on food these days. They don't even really need to exist in my life anymore. My stomach is still in chaos, it feels as if the muscles inside are pulled because of the churning that day. And my head is still, basically, not within my control anymore. I'm just addicted to popping pills, to relieve the anxiety of the possibility of recurrent attacks.

Loved the feeling of sitting behind the lorry and literally feeling the wind slapping across your face. It's so cold, so biting, it made me numb to everything else for awhile. And now it's over, what can I fill the void of my life with? Maybe nothing, because I don't know how to put my heart into doing anything anymore. It's just, tiring.

My body's giving up, or perhaps, it's actually myself, giving up on it.