The dreams, they really make me so mentally exhausted, I woke up feeling like I had gotten no rest at all. I still have many many things to do, really a lot, and I don’t know if I’ll have the time to get everything done on time. Somehow I just feel like using up all my time to study. I don’t exactly like doing the rest of the things I have to do. Studying seems really comforting in comparison.
My Human Motivation module intrigues me quite a bit. I love it, but yet I hate it because of some things which I think I’ll never be able to find an acceptance towards. Evolution is so amazing, and yet like shit, seriously. It seems as if it’s giving an unquestionable and undeniable reason for how the different genders are biologically wired and perhaps, pre-determined in many behaviors. And you’ll really feel like shit, because all the explanations just serve to justify how being a female is just so disadvantageous. But like what Wenwen said, just take it that the males have that defective gene in them, it isn’t anything wonderful really. And it’s actually interesting, to be able to read about things that actually really apply in real life and that could even provide some explanations for some of the things that are happening to you. I think I’m somewhat adopting cognitive restraint now, towards my eating behaviors, and yes, it could really be persistent, this artificial boundary I’ve set for myself. Maybe I’ve even managed to lower my set point as well as my homeostatic level.
And I really do hate the feeling of walking into the hospital, especially that particular one. I detest the long corridors, the smell that is so unnerving, yet so familiar, unfortunately. Maybe it’s just that I tend to use a general feeling of abhorrence in hope of covering up my fears. I’m afraid, I’m scared, I don’t want to walk into that place if I don’t have to. The shuffling between school and the hospital is just too familiar, and overwhelming. It's that same feeling all over again. It’s been more than a year, since my grandmother passed away. It’s not exactly a short time, but perhaps, to us, it does not really seem too long ago. And we took quite a while I believe, to get over everything. Do we have to go through it all over again? It pains me, to see you in such great pain.
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