好辛苦.

Can I say I hate this feeling that is surging through me everyday. Can I say no, I’m not better, in fact I’m just worse with each passing day. Too little sleep and too much coffee are making me a wreck. I feel dizzy, light-headed and my hands tremble along with my movements. I feel like seriously chui in school, but I have to tear my eyes open everyday and see the things I don’t want to see, hear the things I don’t want to hear and do the things I don’t want to do.

And when that cracking moment threatens to break me apart again, I could only keep my eyes open and fixed at nothing until I just don’t see anything anymore. Because it’s all blurred, just blurred beyond recognition. And all I could do is to squat down beside the road and shut my ears, just shut everything out. I feel, like tearing my head apart.

What can I hold on to? 为什么什么都抓不到,什么都抓不到.