yes i can still laugh, but can you see the pain in my eyes.

One moment I'll be happy, thinking that I'll be able to see the people I love later. But I fear seeing so many people, afraid to not be able to be as happy as I should be.

Just let Christmas be over, New Year be over, just let everything be over. I don't want to celebrate. Just let the year be over, I never want, to be 21 again. But what difference will it make. A new year, doesn't make, a different me.

Hvn't I said I feared the emptiness the most. And now it's all here, it's all mine. Rip my heart out, tear my mind apart, I don't want to be able to feel, to think. I know, I'm so gone. Everything is just overwhelming me again. Everything is just killing me over and over again and yet, I don't seem to die.

I can't stop, can't stop the tears.
I feel, like puking.

As much as I want to be here, I don't want to be here.