because it's only goodbye

Sometimes when I hear the shutter sound, I would still feel an uncontrollable jolt of fear through my body. It's like something that had affected me on a subconscious level, because outwardly, I don't think I ever felt disturbed or anything. It's so weird.

And maybe all I ever wanted was some explicit backing from my girlfriends to - I don't know exactly. Feel better, perceive real support instead of trying it have it imagined? I don't know. But not those, not exactly the aftermath I had in mind. Make me want to tear out my eyes every single time. But I know it doesn't really make a difference anymore, because it's over and just too late.