smashed up lies.

The realization, or rather, the realization of the lack of knowing throws me off the tracks. It's alarming to see how ignorant I've been, or it could well be an intentional avoidance on my part. Either way, it kills me to even think of it. And now, all over again, my old thoughts are pushing forth, and perhaps, this time there'll be no way of stopping it. Would I have preferred otherwise?

I abhor the contradictory impulses. How is it that we are able to see both the good and bad sides simultaneously. Could we choose one, strike a balance and be contented? No, we can't. There's no use bluffing ourselves. The more thinking is done, the more confusion it generates, and the more we can't find ways persuade ourselves anymore. No one ever admits it, but why are we always the ones on the losing end?

I hate to even think for another second, for it pushes me nearer to the edge everytime.

Yeah, I understand how I just ought to be left alone sometimes.